Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Floral Ground Zero - Someone Must Pay...

Once upon a time, man discovered that picking flowers and giving them to the woman of their affection increased their standing in their paramour's eyes. As modern man got more sophisticated and less connected to nature, they discovered that a certain professional, known as the florist, would, for a price, pick and arrange flowers for these men to give to their equally more sophisticated women. The increase in cost was definitely worth the saving of time and increase in quality. .
Life was good.
Suddenly, with the emergence of women as staples of the work office environment, a landmark moment happened. Some less than secure fellow who was hanging by a thread with his object of affection, decided to have an arrangement of flowers sent from a florist directly to his woman's' place of work. Now, in it of itself, this was a brilliant maneuver by said fellow, who I will now address as "Floral Ground Zero" or FGZ for short, as his woman was now the envy of every other woman she worked with, if not every woman in her building. My guess is no matter what his romantic status was, FGZ got some action that evening and good for him!

The bigger concerns of FGZ's actions though was the chain reaction he set off so many years ago and is still spreading like a virus to this day. Every woman present that day FGZ's woman received her flowers at the workplace went home to their men and demanded to know why they were not getting flowers at work "like Betty did from her boyfriend." Suddenly all men were on the defensive and the florist phones must have lit up in the following weeks with the same request, "Can you deliver to the financial district?"
Due to this one man, FGZ, men must now make at least one to two calls a year to have flowers sent to their romantic partner's office or workplace. Most likely a birthday or anniversary and definitely Valentine's Day. God help the man who has to come home to a woman who was the only one in cubicle row C not to get a spring bouquet!
Sadly, the flowers at work routine is not about having something cheerful to brighten up a drab workplace or as a reminder that someone loves you. It is, and I know you women know this, to show off to her coworkers that she has someone who would do such a thing and that the coworkers do not (God help the unattached women in the office on Valentine's Day). Women have turned FGZ's act of romance (or cowardice) so many years ago into an event to show off their inner princess (or bitch, if you aren't offended). We men are also made to suffer as we are now paying premium money for flowers we will never see or even get to see that moment of joy on our woman's face when they are first presented to her.
Sending flowers to your woman's work is about as romantic as paying your mortgage online. It's expected and it's done...
That all being said, this Floral Ground Zero, FGZ, must be exposed and made to pay for the plague of action he has set off on this society. Perhaps he is quite old now and living in a retirement community and sending flowers to his wife over at the Game Hall on Golden Girls Lane. He still must pay. Perhaps he even looks like the guy up above...
Remember, men, the next time you feel obligated to call a florist for your Martha over in Building 1 of Chevron's corporate office, it's all because of one man on one day and one phone call.

1 comment:

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